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Quanfornication, Pahang, Malaysia
{Yes This is me} (Computer enthusiast) (Humble Slave) (I'm not Geek) (Abnormal) (Sinner Slave) (Talkative) (Dummies) (Gadget Freak + Enthusiast) (Network Engineer To-be) (Skeptical)  <<(((Here i would like to express my gratitude to Makcik misbah who has teach me Alif Ba Ta, Mr Mior Zaharin Mior Azim who teach me alot of thing regarding Computer also all my Sifu and Guru. Thanks For the knowledge that u give to me. i will distribute every inch knowledge i know to all the people outside.))>>
Showing posts with label Joking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joking. Show all posts

Asking The Right Question

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, " Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke ?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

**********

Moral of the story is ... The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

**********

For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don't ask for the holiday;

Ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"

Kisah tentang larangan jilbab bagi anak muda

Seorang pemuda baru saja baru sahaja pulang kerumah. Ia sendirian dibiliknya melepas lelah sambil menatap langit yang membiru.

Kesibukan menyelenggarakan ceramah keislaman di masjid betul2 meletihkan.

Suasana hening dan damai kerana di flat kediamannya kerana ramai penghuni
masih belum balik dari kerja

Dari balik dinding sayup-sayup terdengar perbualan jirannya seorang Ibu tua
dengan anaknya.


Anak : Ibu..


Ibu : Hmmm ?



Anak : BU !



Ibu : APA ?



Anak : Mmm, anu ... tadi saya ke masjid dengar ceramah..

Ibu dengarlah ni !



Ibu : IYA ! Ibu dengar. Cakap ajalah. Kan ibu tengah sibuk
memasuk kan benang kejarum ni. Susah pulak rasanya. Agaknya mata
ibu sudah
nak rabun...



Anak : Bu !



Ibu : Apa dia ? cakap ajelah, Yang ?



Anak : Tadi, di masjid seorang ustaz bercerita soal jilbab. Katanya pakai
jilbab itu wajib. Ibu, Mulai sekarang saya mau pakai jilbab. Boleh tak Bu..
?



Ibu : Jangan ...



Pemuda dari balik dinding makin menajamkan perhatian pendengarannya.



Anak : Tapi tu perintah Allah. Kalau tidak patuh kita berdosa, Bu.Boleh ya,
saya mau pakai jilbab ?



Ibu : Kan ibu kata JANGAN ...


Anak : Tapi bu.. bukan lebih baik saya memakai jilbab kerana kerana kita
orang islam dan sudah tentu dapat menjaga maruah dan harga diri saya..
betul
tak bu...? Bolehlah bu..




Ibu : TIDAK !



Anak : Kenapa ? Atau ibu terpengaruh sama cerita bohong pasal memakai
jilbab
? Kata Ustaz, jilbab itu bukan budaya Arab. Itu Syariat Islam. Islam yang
sebenar bukan adat. Dari dulu memang
diwajibkan demikian, bukan trend baru-baru ini aja.


Ibu : Iya, iya Ibu faham tu. Tapi ibu kata JANGAN !


Anak : Jadi Ibu melarang saya nih... Bu, mau tak mau saya tetap akan pakai
jilbab. Terserah Ibu nak kata apa. Tak perlu taat pada orang tua,kalau
orang
tua itu menyuruh maksiat pada perintah Allah.



Ibu : Kamu tak faham-faham lagi ke?. Ibu kata jangan, jangan,

JANGAN !!!



Anak : WALAU APAPUN JADI BESOK SAYA TETAP PAKAI JILBAB. MUKTAMAD!


Ibu : JANGAN !



Anak : JILBAB !



Ibu : JANGAN !



Anak : JILBAB !!



Ibu : J A N G A N !!!



Anak : J I L B A A A A A A B !!!!



Pemuda tadi sudah tidak dapat menahan keinginannya. Ia terus keluar bilik
untuk bertemu ibu dan anak itu untuk membela si anak agar si ibu bersetuju
dengan kemahuan si anak. Tangannya sudah terangkat di depan pintu untuk
mengetuk ....

namun terdengar lagi kata-kata dari si ibu ...



Ibu : KAMU NI BUDIN, IBU KATA JANGAN.. JANGANLAH! KAMU KAN LAKI-LAKI.....





Pemuda, Si jiran sebelah pun berlalu ..dengan langkah yang longlai




(hehehe, serius tul baca nampak..........................aku pun terkena
jugak...hangin satu
badan..........haaa......haaaaa??!!]

Specialnye Bau Ketiak Lelaki....

Specialnya Bau Ketiak Lelaki Benarkah
bau ketiak lelaki mampu menjadi
penawar kepada gejala tekanan yang
dialami oleh wanita? Kenyataan ini
dikeluarkan oleh Bahagian
BiologiManusia di University
Pensyvania beberapa tahun lalu. Kajian
dilakukan di sana membuktikan bahawa
peluh lelaki membantu kaum wanita
menurunkan tekanan dan melancarkan
perjalanan haid.
Menurut laporan Jurnal Biology of
Reproduction America. Sebelum ini,bau
ketiak lelaki yang sengaja " diproses"
daripada lelaki yang tidak memakai
deodoran digunakan sebagai bahan
ujikaji bagi mencari bukti bahawa
hidung wanita boleh "digoda" dengan
bau lawan sejenisnya.Dalam uji kaji
yang dilakukan, wangian semulajadi itu
kemudian di sapukan ke atas bibir
puluhan wanita berumur 25 dan 45 tahun
tanpa memberitahu ia adalah bau
peluh lelaki dan hanya diberitahu
bahawa mereka sedang menguji satu
aroma wangian tersebut.Enam jam
pertama selepas itu, skala mood wanita
yang di sapu wangian yang diperbuat
daripada peluh ketiak lelaki tersebut
diukur. Hasilnya sungguh unik. Selain
boleh mencerahkan mood, wangian ketiak
lelaki ternyata dapat membuatkan
wanita menjadi kurang tegang....
dipetik dari majalah PA&MA...Feb
2004...kalau tak caya... So kengkawan
kalau tengah stress tu ......bolehlah
cium ketiak suami atau boyfriend. Bagi
kaum adam pulak, simpan bau ketiak tu
utk orang tersayang.Moral of the
Story, So kalau isteri yang sedang
tension tu...lepas balik riadah..calit
sikit bau ketiak suami anda..yang
masam tu confirm mood anda akan ok
ha..ha...ha.... selamat
mencuba...Kepada para isteri jangan
telampau tension...nanti kena cium bau
ketiak..wahahahhaha

Maybe This Is What We Call Laugher is The Best Medicine

Video Clip Rossa iaitu lagu Pudar Yang Telah Disotongkan



wakakakakakKAkakaka... that hilarious.... wakakakaka... opsssZ... Control myfaixal.. every one is watchin at you... :) hehehe...

Faizal Af4 gagal


Juara AF4 kandas ujian memandu di jalan raya

KUALA BERANG: Dengan disaksikan lebih 300 peminatnya, Juara Akademi Fantasia 4 (AF4), Faizal atau Mohd Faizal Ramli, 23, gagal dalam ujian memandu yang diambilnya di Sekolah Memandu PSM Academy cawangan Ajil di sini, semalam.

Dia mulanya mendapat markah penuh dalam ujian fasa pertama iaitu mendaki bukit dan meletak kenderaan.

Bagaimanapun, dalam ujian fasa kedua iaitu memandu di jalan raya, penyanyi yang popular dengan lagu ‘Lihatlah’ itu, terkandas.

Anak kelahiran Marang itu dimaklumkan seorang pegawai Jabatan Pengangkutan Jalan (JPJ) dia banyak melakukan kesalahan.

Berikutan itu, Faizal terpaksa menduduki ujian memandu sekali lagi, Isnin depan.

Ada peminat Faizal kecewa apabila mengetahui penyanyi kesayangan mereka itu gagal memperoleh lesen memandu.

Ketika ditemui selepas itu, Faizal berkata dia akan terus berusaha untuk lulus dalam ujian memandu akan datang.

“Saya sedikitpun tidak kecewa dengan kegagalan ini,” katanya yang mendapat lesen belajar memandu (L) pada 29 April lalu selepas menjalani latihan memandu selama 16 jam pada 22 April.

Dia mengucapkan terima kasih kepada sekolah memandu berkenaan yang tidak mengenakan sebarang bayaran untuknya belajar memandu.

“Saya menduduki ujian memandu seperti orang lain kerana tak mahu mendapat lesen terbang yang tidak sah,” katanya.

Faizal mengambil ujian memandu bagi membolehkannya memandu kereta Toyota Vios, satu daripada hadiah yang diperolehnya ketika menjuarai AF4.

Sementara itu, pengurusan sekolah memandu itu memasang kain rentang untuk memaklumkan penyanyi muda itu akan mengambil ujian memandu, semalam.

Ini membuatkan perkarangan sekolah memandu itu didatangi lebih 300 peminat Faizal, termasuk calon yang menunggu untuk menduduki ujian memandu.

Mereka turut tidak melepaskan peluang bergambar dengan penyanyi yang terkenal dengan slogan `Senyum Sokmo’ itu.

Today Picture: Mawwy = Mawi Or Sami =Sammy



Hahaha.. Seriously...

Macam-macam: Petani teruna kerana gagal peperiksaan

JAIPUR (India): Seorang petani yang berikrar tidak akan kahwin sebelum lulus peperiksaan sekolah menengah, sekali lagi gagal buat kali ke-38 ujian berkenaan.

Shiv Charan Yadav gagal dalam ujian itu setiap tahun sejak 1969. Ujian berkenaan biasanya diambil oleh pelajar berusia 15 tahun. Yadav sudah berusia 30-an apabila berazam untuk memperbaiki diri menerusi pelajaran.

Tahun ini, dia gagal dalam semua subjek kecuali Sanskrit dan hanya mengumpul 103 daripada 600 markah.

Dia mengakui menghadapi masalah dalam matematik yang menurunkan markah keseluruhan. Apapun, dia juga berkata bahawa dia akan berkahwin dengan gadis di bawah usia 30 tahun apabila lulus peperiksaan itu. – Reuters

Seriously, I Caught One Thiiiiis Big


Duncan Rooke (left) and Stephen Buss haul in a 7-foot-7-inch catfish from the River Ebro in Spain. She was weighed, burped (to get the air out of her system) and returned to the river to swim another day.

Macam-macam: Kuda, unta, kambing buat lalu lintas makin kalut




BERLIN: Pengguna jalan raya di Berlin terkejut semalam apabila mendapati mereka ‘berkongsi’ kawasan sesak itu dengan sekumpulan haiwan termasuk kuda, unta dan kambing yang terlepas dari sebuah zoo berhampiran ibu negara Jerman itu.

Haiwan berkenaan iaitu enam ekor kuda, tiga unta, dua kambing dan seekor llama, terlepas dari sebuah zoo mini di timur Berlin dan muncul di satu bulatan jalan raya sesak kira-kira jam 7 pagi ini.

Polis berkata kehadiran kumpulan haiwan itu mencetuskan kekalutan di jalan raya berkenaan tetapi tiada sebarang kemalangan jiwa berlaku.

Haiwan berkenaan berjaya ditangkap semula. Namun, polis masih buntu bagaimana haiwan itu boleh terlepas.

Macam-macam: Kontraktor buta bina jambatan

BEIJING: Dua pegawai kerajaan China dipenjarakan kerana melantik seorang kontraktor buta membina sebuah jambatan yang runtuh ketika sedang dibina, mencederakan 12 pekerja, lapor media tempatan.

Agensi berita Xinhua berkata lewat kelmarin, mahkamah di wilayah selatan di Jianxi ketika menjatuhkan hukuman penjara 18 bulan ke atas Huang Wenge, ketua kampung di pentadbiran Xiushui, dan juga ketua pemimpin parti Xia Jiazhong, penjara 12 bulan.

Agensi itu berkata, November lalu, kedua-duanya melantik seorang kontraktor bagi membina sebuah jambatan yang kemudian memberinya kepada kontraktor lain, Xia Huaqing yang buta.

Xinhua berkata, apabila Xia Huaqing mencadangkan reka bentuk jambatan, kedua-duanya bersetuju mengenai pertukaran itu tanpa memaklumkan kepada pegawai peringkat tinggi.

This Is Not Funny.. It True


You Were Saying? This basset hound, recently lost his distinction as the dog with the longest ears in the Guinness Book of World Records, but no one can strip him of his lineage--Knightsfollie Ladiesman Jeffries is the grandson of Biggles, the face of Hush Puppies shoes. His ears are insured for an un-dogly $50,000

Start Your Day With Smile No Metter How Worse Your Smile Like.. =)











Smile From Your Heart Fall to the deep of some others heart...
Smile Like Our Prophet....
Smile The Simplest Ibadah....
Senyumlah....Smile my friends..
Because someone will fallin in love with your smile..
Although it just a simple smile..
Smile With Shinning...
Smile the sign of Love..
Smile The Sign Of Patient..
Smile... Smile.. Smile....
I'm On smile =) ~~My FaiXaL~~

Macam-macam: Pesawat rosak kerana lauk kari meletup

MIAMI: Seorang pramugari menyebabkan sebuah pesawat jumbo mengalami kerosakan bernilai £20,000 (RM130,000) apabila lauk kari yang dipanaskannya di dalam ketuhar gelombang mikro, tiba-tiba meletup ketika pesawat berada pada ketinggian 9,000 meter.


Pesawat dari Heathrow menuju Miami itu, bagaimanapun, dapat meneruskan penerbangan selepas seorang anggota kabin berjaya memadamkan kebakaran, lapor The Sun.

Pramugari itu dikatakan memanaskan kari segera yang dibelinya dari pasar raya di dalam ketuhar apabila ia meletup.

Jurucakap British Airways, bagaimanapun, menegaskan kejadian itu tidak mengancam keselamatan penumpang walaupun pesawat Boeing 747 itu terpaksa diperbaiki. Syarikat penerbangan itu kini mengharamkan penggunakan ketuhar berkuasa tinggi untuk makanan persendirian di dapur pesawatnya. – Agensi

Sumber dari Berita Harian

Reclaiming Hoaxzilla


June 7, 2007 - Last month, an 11-year-old Alabama boy made headlines across the globe when he felled a giant hog on a hunting reserve. Photos swept the Internet, and Jamison Stone’s trophy was dubbed Monster Pig and Hogzilla II (the original Hogzilla, killed in Georgia in 1994, weighed about 1,000 pounds). But animal-rights activists, hunting purists and even a few Photoshop aficionados began voicing doubts about the story, suggesting the photograph was a hoax or that the big pig was less wild, huge and terrifying than its nicknames implied. In fact, the hog was very real and very big, but it wasn’t feral, as the hunter originally believed. NEWSWEEK’s Kendyl Salcito caught up with Jamison and his father, now in their 14th minute of fame.

Today Funny Pic: Like owner like dog






Weird House Arround The World: Amazing
















my faixal said: Which one u like most?

50 Amazing Thing : Unless it a fact

The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.

Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.

Of all the words in the English language, the word 'set' has the most definitions!

What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an "English kiss" in France.

"Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

"Rhythm" is the longest English word without a vowel.

In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off!

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath

There is a city called Rome on every continent.

It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!

Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!

Horatio Nelson, one of England's most illustrious admirals was throughout his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.

The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present at all important meetings of the University of London

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people

Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe!

The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump!

One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!

The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man

Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!

The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle.

Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."

Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.

On average a hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute.

More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.

The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.

More people are allergic to cow's milk than any other food.

Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!

The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.

Earth is the only planet not named after a god.

It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.

You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.

Some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food!

Dolphins sleep with one eye open!

It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open

The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not

Slugs have 4 noses.

Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.

A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!

A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!

The average person laughs 10 times a day!

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain

Today Funny Picture On MyfaixaL

I have a baby too..

My FAixaL said: Beware, there are a lot of weirdos out there. Some people are just crazy! I just hope I don't have to sit next to one especially if visiting a clinic.

SpiderMan 3

My Faixal said: The movie is coming. And Spidey is taking cue from Michael Schumacher. Promoting the movie through soccer. Can the other team score if he is the goalkeeper.

Thank God, It monday

Since you have reached here, please Smile.
Done? Now go back to work.

The Moooooooo

My FAixaL said:It prefers swimming with dolphins rather than mooing.

Don't try this at Office: Over acting Edition

This men are trying to copy the below actor style.. Let see how it work.. wahahah..



This is the real actor....


My FaixaL said: Pls dont try this at your office.. even u are in highly boredom... wahaha.. :)

If Too Obsess

What happen to this man? Where is The Hand? huh...




Picture Taken By Norasyikin Bt Ahmad
Thank alot Buddies

-My FaiXaL-